1. No one has ever completely read Moby Dick.
Seriously, I don't believe you even if you tell me you did. I have tried to read this book at least twice and didn't make it past page 10 and let me tell you I have read some awful books in my time. Maybe you tried to read it and skipped a few pages or more than a few but let's be honest no one has ever read all of Moby Dick. I don't even think Herman Melville did which makes it obvious why it is so boring.
2. Whenever making a dessert for people it should always be mostly chocolate.
Seriously, what do you want for dessert, lemon meringue pie? Fuck that shit. So I am not a big dessert person. I rarely eat sweets or dessert but let's be honest here all everyone really wants is chocolate and probably brownies. Banana bread? Are you kidding? How about chocolate bread? Have you ever brought brownies for people to eat and they were disappointed? I don't think so.
3. Water is not H2O.
Ok I will start this one with a word other than "Seriously" but SERIOUSLY! I hate it when people call water H2O. Water is H2O molecules arranged in a defined structure. Why don't people call ice, H2O, or water vapor, H2O? Just as we call crystals of Sodium Chloride "salt". Water is a defined structure of H2O molecules. Stop thinking you're smart by calling water H2O and pretend to be even smarter by telling all your friends that they are wrong.
4. Raisins are the worst invention ever.
Seriously, if you didn't know, this is why Alexander the Great wiped out the Phoenicians. Because they invented raisins. No one ever wants a raisin or craves raisins. I mean if people had a choice between ice chips and raisins I think they would choose ice chips. I am just wondering who was the person who thought "Oh, I have an idea let's take grapes that are used for one of the greatest inventions ever, wine, and dry them up and eat them, oh won't that be great!" NO IT WONT. Wine is awesome. Raisins are lame.
5. You are insignificant. You will die. The world will go on. And one day no one will remember you any more.
Seriously, remember these 5 truths for your life and everything will be good.