Thursday, February 7, 2013

The 5 Truths

I felt like I need to enlighten everyone to the 5 truths I have come upon thus far in my life.

1. No one has ever completely read Moby Dick.
Seriously, I don't believe you even if you tell me you did. I have tried to read this book at least twice and didn't make it past page 10 and let me tell you I have read some awful books in my time. Maybe you tried to read it and skipped a few pages or more than a few but let's be honest no one has ever read all of Moby Dick. I don't even think Herman Melville did which makes it obvious why it is so boring.

2. Whenever making a dessert for people it should always be mostly chocolate.
Seriously, what do you want for dessert, lemon meringue pie? Fuck that shit. So I am not a big dessert person. I rarely eat sweets or dessert but let's be honest here all everyone really wants is chocolate and probably brownies. Banana bread? Are you kidding? How about chocolate bread? Have you ever brought brownies for people to eat and they were disappointed? I don't think so.

3. Water is not H2O.
Ok I will start this one with a word other than "Seriously" but SERIOUSLY! I hate it when people call water H2O. Water is H2O molecules arranged in a defined structure. Why don't people call ice, H2O, or water vapor, H2O? Just as we call crystals of Sodium Chloride "salt". Water is a defined structure of H2O molecules. Stop thinking you're smart by calling water H2O and pretend to be even smarter by telling all your friends that they are wrong.

4. Raisins are the worst invention ever.
Seriously, if you didn't know, this is why Alexander the Great wiped out the Phoenicians. Because they invented raisins. No one ever wants a raisin or craves raisins. I mean if people had a choice between ice chips and raisins I think they would choose ice chips. I am just wondering who was the person who thought "Oh, I have an idea let's take grapes that are used for one of the greatest inventions ever, wine, and dry them up and eat them, oh won't that be great!" NO IT WONT. Wine is awesome. Raisins are lame.

5. You are insignificant. You will die. The world will go on. And one day no one will remember you any more.


Estimates indicate that there have been over 100 Billion people born so far in the history of the Earth. The Earth and people don't appear to be slowing down. Can you name anyone that lived over 10,000 years ago? Ok, ok I understand we have become better historians and store information better but that changes little. Maybe it pushes back the day you will be forgotten till 50,000 years from now. Further, one day the Earth is going to be burned by the sun or frozen with no inhabitants. Maybe all humans will be dead and there is nothing you can do about it. We don't even remember the presidents of the US. Ever heard of Millard Fillmore? Yeah, the dude was a US President. Accept your insignificance and live your life for yourself. Not to impress others or win admiration of your peers. Sure it is great to win a Nobel Prize or be famous but those people are going to die and be forgotten just like you. Do things for the sake of doing them because you enjoy doing them. Don't be stuck living a life you don't want to live. There is nothing else.

Seriously, remember these 5 truths for your life and everything will be good.